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Saturday, December 19, 2009

There Cannot Be a Bigger Tragedy Than This-Final Part

That is all..
She went into a terrible state of shock to say the least..
Million thoughts struck her mind at once..
And one thought struck her mind a million times..
Billion times..
Trillion times and zillion times…
“…orey kannaaa..nenu choosey prapancham lo nuvve naa sooreeduvi raa..”
“…orey kannaaa..nenu choosey prapancham lo nuvve naa sooreeduvi raa..”
“…orey kannaaa..nenu choosey prapancham lo nuvve naa sooreeduvi raa..”
“…orey kannaaa..nenu choosey prapancham lo nuvve naa sooreeduvi raa..”
(Son..My dear son..you are the light of my world)
(If only am gifted with all the space on the web I would write the above Telugu language sentence a zillion times)
The helicopter was moving slowly..
As tears were flowing down her cheeks..She closed her eyes..
There is darkness..
Opened them....
There is darkness again..
Looked up..
And silently questioned the invisible Gods.
”Why and why and why...??????????..What is that sinful crime I committed to deserve all this pain….?????????"
She knows that she will not get any answer..
So..
She looked around..
In desperation,in helplessness..
But she found only silence.....
Unbearable silence..
Unusual silence..


As if all is not yet over..
As if something more painful is to follow…
With their eyes filled with tears and minds filled with doubts all the coast guards were looking at her with bated breath..
She too looked up at them helplessly..
Palely
Blankly..
Poignantly..
And finally..
Thankfully..
Later..
Looked around,once again
Looked at heavens..
And lastly..
Looked down at the waters that consumed her beloved son..
Suspecting something tragic,the coast guard on the ladder was shouting at her and moved down briskly..
Tried to come down quickly..
The other guards too were signaling at her with all the physical signs humanity can understand..
But she has already gone into a shell,into a world of her own where she could neither see anything nor hear anything or understand anything..
She has gone into a state of delirium..As that one above mentioned thought was knocking her constantly..
Shaking her constantly..
Rattling her constantly..
She closed her eyes quietly for a moment..
Chanted prayers..
Coming down swiftly and shouting at her the guard was using all his expertise to reach her..
Now she opened her eyes..
Took a deep breath..



Her mind was clear and calm..
She has taken the decision..
The unmentionable and indescribable decision..
The coast guards were watching her..
And also the pilot..
And also the palm tree..
And also the five elements of nature..
Everyone, everything were watching her with bated breath and rapt attention..
But..
They just remained watching..
As the right hand of the great lady that was holding the rope ladder..
Till that point of time..
Left it..
Left it with unmentionable pain..
Left it
With unmentionable trauma..
That is all..
It all happened in seconds..
The coast guard on the ladder tried his best to reach her and hold her..
But it was all too late..
As they were all watching her helplessly..
She
Slowly,,
Very slowly
Slided down..
Down..
Down..
And
Further down..
Like a kite cut off in mid air..
And with a huge..
Thudddddd..
Crashed into the waters..
And in seconds her body was consumed by the water and vanished beyond sight as the brave saga of that extraordinarily courageous lady came to a tragic end..
The coast guards couldn’t believe what they have seen..
Even if they have believed it,they may not have digested it..
Even if they have digested it...
One life may not be sufficient for them to erase it from their memories..
After that..
The flood water flowed quietly as if nothing has happened..
The guard on the ladder moved up..
The helicopter moved on..
We moved on..
Our lives moved on..
Our world moved on…
But..
But..
But…
But…




........................THE END....................................
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Thursday, December 17, 2009

There Cannot Be a Bigger Tragedy Than This-Part Five

He was trying..
Unable to understand her son’s plight, the lady was still trying to cajole him..
The guard on the ladder was still trying to come down..
The helicopter was still trying to take them out to a safe destination..
That time it happened..
And happened in a whisker..
Suddenly the speed with which the wind was blowing till that time got doubled..
And as a result a thick drops of rain had hit her face very forcefully..
For a split second she closed her eyes..
And..
in an effort to hold the boy more firmly the lady lost the grip for a moment..
Just for a moment....
And in that just one moment..
It happened..
What should not have happened..
Happened..
With his eyes filled with faith that his mother is there for him the boy was still looking deep into her eyes..
The mother too was looking at him..
So also the guard and the his colleagues..
And then..
She finally understood the language of her son’s silence and tried to prevent the inevitable..
But still it happened..
For whom she weathered such a storm..
For whom she fought against the nature..
For whom she did everything beyond her capacity..
That boy..
Her beloved…
More beloved than the most beloved..
Slowly..
Slowly slipped off her hands..
Like a fielder in a cricket ground juggling with the ball before dropping a catch,she too juggled with her dear son for some time..
but failed...
As she was helplessly watching
The boy first got separated from her..
Lost his balance..
Did a somersault..
And doing all that with all the plight,agony and trauma in the world.
The boy was still looking at his mother..
Was looking deep into her eyes..
with his eyes still wide open turned away from and bid her adieu..
A soulfully sad goodbye..
And went down falling..
Falling..
And..
Further falling..
And finally touched the dangerously flowing flood waters underneath..
And vanished out of her sight…
In seconds..
She was watching so does the guard on the ladder and also his colleagues..
Over..All over..
All the battle and the fury
All the courage and the bravery..
All are over in one by millionth of a second..
Shaking her beyond comparison..
That is all..
.....................Continued In Part Six..........

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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

There Cannot Be a Bigger Tragedy Than This-Part Four

The boy was literally going breathless..
The sound of the heavy winds, the sound of the helicopter engine combined with a typical lashing sound of the helicopter propellers were all creating eerie sounds that are normally experienced in any of the Alfred Hitchcock films..
The lady was trying her best to hold the boy very firmly but since both of them were very wet, her hands were slowly losing the grip over the boy...
Observing her plight a guard then decided to help her and slowly stepped on to the ladder to come down.
And exactly at that point of time it started raining very heavily slowing down all sorts of rescue operations..
It made her extremely anxious and restless.
The hapless boy in her hand was becoming very slippery though she was doing all that she could to hold him tightly. Unfortunately she was feeling the looseness in her grip over the boy which was making her more restless, more unsteady and panic..
The boy was not weeping but was looking pathetically into his mother’s eyes expressing great fear. There was so much of pain and agony in his eyes which only a mother can read and understand..
Unusual for his age the boy was still trying to support his mother.
The lady too was looking at her son and was trying to cajole him..
The boy was still seeing deeply into his mother’s eyes..
The lady may not understand but that time around she found something unusual in his eyes..
Something..
Definitely something..
Really really unusual..
What is that..
Did the boy see something..
Is he trying to convey something..
If so..
What..???
What….??????????/
Whatttttt…..???????????????????
Are any coming events casting their shadows..?????
Did he receive any hint from the super natural forces..?????????
A sort of a chill ran through her spine shattering her whole mind and body..
Shaking him vigorously
She was observing him with anxiety. Observing him with fear..
She was observing that…..
There is a gradual change taking place in the face of her son and in the looks of his eyes..
She was observing that..
His eyes were seeing something beyond the reach of human vision and comprehension..
May be he was seeing something about the future..
His future..
Their future..
Was seeing something about his salvation from this sinful world.
Something about his separation from his beloved mother..
Something inexplicable..
Something metaphysical..
He wanted to convey all that to his mother..
He was trying to tell his beloved mother about what he was seeing.
But there was something inexplicable again that was holding him back..
Is that his tender age that is preventing him from conveying his feelings and observations or is that the more powerful nature that was stopping from opening his mouth..
But the boy was trying.
Trying to tell his mother about the signals he is receiving from the cosmic forces..
About the indication he is getting from the Gods in the heavens..
From the angels of His service..
He was trying..
.................Continued In Part -Five..........................

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There Cannot Be a Bigger Tragedy Than This-Part Three

That time..
That time…
She heard that sound..
“…What is that…????????”
Her hopes return..
She became highly attentive and alert.. Concentrated more on the sound. Tried to analyze..
No doubt..
It is definitely the sound of some motor engine..
She hurriedly looked into that direction..
She couldn’t believe her eyes,as she found a helicopter coming in her direction..
She didn’t want to take any chance..
With eyes wide open she looked into the direction of the helicopter..
The helicopter was appearing closer..
She did not want to waste a second..
Lifting her son in one hand and holding the branch of the tree with the other she carefully got up and turned herself towards the helicopter. it is a coast guard helicopter of the Indian navy pressed into service by the government for flood relief operations. There are around six guards on board with life jackets...
She waved at them.. Mobilizing all the bodily strength into her voice she screamed loudly.
The guards did not notice her and the helicopter passed off..
She knows and knows pretty well that it is her last chance to have any chances of survival..
She screamed again and again and louder and still louder..
And that time..
The guard sitting near the rear window of the helicopter with a binoculars in hand heard the scream and noticed her..
He waved at her as a signal that he noticed her..
With a rejuvenation of hope, she too waved at him in response..
The guard then instructed the pilot to take a U turn and turn back the helicopter and go down as nearly as possible to the Palm tree..
She was noticing everything with a subtle smile on her lips combined with a great relief..
First, the helicopter hovered around the area of the Palm tree for a few moments to assess the altitude and then slowly descended down to the maximum permissible level..
Later it remained stagnant there as one of the guards slowly dropped a rope ladder on to the tree, instructing the lady to hold it properly....
She tried to grab it but due to heavy winds the ladder moved around and went beyond her reach for a few minutes.. She tried again and after a few initial misses she very smartly grabbed it with a single hand..
The guard in the helicopter, who was holding the other end of the rope ladder, smiled in appreciation of her smartness as the other guards too join him in holding the ladder firmly. As they all look eagerly, she made sure that she was holding her son tightly with one hand and then tried to hold the ladder firmly with the other..
After making sure that everything is perfect, she very carefully got up from the place where she was sitting and moved.
All the coast guards were watching her every movement very keenly..
Cautiously holding the boy in one hand she did not forget to kiss the tree as a thanks giving gesture..
And then slowly…Very slowly.. Left the Palm tree..
Seeing her moving from the tree the helicopter started to move forward..
After parting away from the tree, she is now on her own.
Hanging in the air and standing on the last step of the rope ladder..
It is altogether a new ordeal for her now..
The wind was so heavy..
She was finding it extremely difficult to hold the rope firmly...still she was managing to stand firmly on the ladder and looked down..
Down there the water was still ferociously flowing and the winds were very heavily blowing around her with a more heavy roaring sound..
It is all so very frightening..
It can frighten even the strongest of the strong..
And the poor lady was very week to sustain that…
But fighting against all odds and all the whims and fancies of nature, she was still trying hard to stay composed, and at the same time was still feeling terrible to overcome the fright..
She closed her eyes for a moment..
Cautiously monitoring every movement of the lady the helicopter was slowly moving ahead. Instructing her to hold the rope tightly the guards then started pulling up the ladder carefully....
The distance between the helicopter and the lady was approximately thirty feet and she was standing on the first step of that thirty feet ladder. Due to heavily blowing winds the guards were finding it extremely difficult to hold the ladder firmly..
They have to first hold it firmly and then pull her carefully..
The weather was inclement and completely unfavorable for a smooth sailing..
The wind was mercilessly throwing the ladder in every direction and it was making life more difficult not for the guards and not for the lady…
But for the boy..

..................Continued in part-four.......................

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Saturday, December 12, 2009

There Cannot Be A bigger Tragedy Than This-Part Two

The boy was weeping all the way..
Weeping with hunger, weeping with fear, weeping with pain..
But she held him tightly in her protective arms and resorted to that courageous act only to save him..
She lost her husband in a tragic accident a year ago. Now she is alone in this world with only that four year old boy on her side..
She wants him to live forever. And she wants to live for him forever..
That is all. No tall claims and no tall order of wish list..

After settling on the Palm tree she closed her eyes for a moment and wiped her sons face with her sari and then wiped her face that is filled not with water but with sweat. She was then a more relaxed lady as she reached her first goal of safety..
Then what…???
She looked around. She looked at her son’s face....
Though not weeping, the boy was silent but was looking weak with hunger..
She kissed him again..
And again she looked around. This time with the hope of finding something for her son to eat..
But to her utter disappointment she could only find water and water everywhere with not even a drop to drink..
Left with nothing else to do, she decided to relax for a moment and think about the further course of action..
As she so does there are question and questions clashing in her mind. She knows pretty well that her problems are far from over and that she still has a long way to go..
But her son is keeping her steady..
Of course she can weather any storm for him.
But how long...?????..
Another question..
Don’t know..
Only God alone can answer..
She looked down...
Though not raining the water was steadily growing in level there..
She knows that the Palm tree is too tall and she can be sure about the protection from the water level..
So, that way no worry..
She looked at the boy.. He is slowly closing his eyes and falling into sleep. He is too tired to sustain..
She carefully pulled him further close to her and held him tightly to her chest..
……………………..
What a plight..
God sometimes is so unkind..
Even the most sinful and the most cruel personality in this universe does not deserve a punishment of such severity..
So what is her mistake...???????????????????
……………………………….
Her whole body was shivering with chill and every bone was aching with pain....
She knows that she has to bear with everything and wait till the water recedes..
No way..
She lost all the strength to swim and knows it pretty well that it will be a sheer act of stupidity to swim any further without any sight of land or a tree nearby..
So she choose that tree. She was waiting..
Waiting silently. Waiting with hope and waiting with despair...
But she was waiting..
Waiting for that help from those invisible hands..
Those invisible hands that created this world. This universe. This nature..
This humanity,it’s birth and it’s death..
She was waiting..
That is all she could do..
She may not know the theory of Predeterminism..
May not have heard about the dualism in nature..
May not have read about the Advaita and the Visishtadvaita schools of thought and philosophy..
But for sure she knows one thing..
Her son and his well being. And her duties towards him. Everything else is unnecessary..
That is all..
She did all that she can do to save him and it is time for God to interfere and save them further..
But will HE or Wont HE..?????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????............
As she is so waiting..
Seconds turn into minutes and minutes into hours with no sign of any relief around..
The croaking of the frogs, the unsteady flow of water, the unbearable sound of heavily blowing wind are all terrorizing the whole atmosphere..
She is slowly losing her hope..
It is around 4 pm..
And she was already sitting on the tree for more than five hours and that too in the same position..
She lost all her strength..
She is draining and is sinking. Both mentally and physically..
She slowly closed her eyes..
That time..
That time…
She heard that sound..

.................................Continued in part-three...................


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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

There Cannot Be a Bigger Tragedy Than This

I read about this tragic incident almost a decade ago. It was just a small five line news item that appeared in a local news paper in my city of Hyderabad, India. But it still keeps haunting me even today. I very strongly felt that the whole world should stand up and take notice of this great tragedy and offer their salutations to the brave lady involved in this. I tried to visualize the whole tragic drama with my creative eye and penned it down properly in a narrative form for the convenience of the reading world.
Please go through..

………………………………………………………………………………………………


It happened in the August month of 1999 in an average coastal town of Orissa,India..
It was a town with around ten thousand population...
It was raining cats and dogs there for almost a week..
Life to say the least was paralyzed.
The communication link with the outside world was cut off long ago..
And…
On that eventful day..
It was around 5 AM in the morning..
Almost all the people of the town woke up shocked as they found pools of water flowing around them with a terrifying noise.Before they could realize what was happening, the levels of water started rising drastically and there was no escape route for them as the heavily gushing water was hampering their movements…


Still they managed to run out of their houses but pathetically found themselves stranded in more and more of flood water..
The water at that time was up to the waist level and was gradually rising.
The shocked many tried to reach that handful of high rise buildings in the town only to find them overflowing with people.
While the lucky ones could barge in…those unlucky were shunted out…
And it was still very heavily raining at that time..
With the passing of time..
Rains didn’t stop..
The rising of water levels didn’t stop.
And the plight of the people didn’t stop..
All the streets were full with people and full with water..

Some people were trying their best to come out of the water but the level was constantly rising and was making life miserable for them.
By then almost all of them have very silently realized that they are slowly heading towards a country from whose Bourne no traveler has ever returned..
But there were still some people shouting for help ..a few some were weeping out of fear.
While some were down low spirited…A few some were going hysterical…
Children and the old aged were the worst affected as one by one of them started dying a silent death…
A helpless death..
An unnoticed silent death…
Unfortunately so..
All the remaining of them there wanted to live…
Just live. Do something. But live..
Helplessness….Dddaammmnnn helplessness was bogging them down..
Questions and questions were frustrating them..
Do..??What to do..???How to do..????
How..how…..??????????????
All they want from God at that moment was..
Life. Just life. Nothing..Nothing else…
No riches,no money…No egos,no jealousy…
No holier than thou attitudes..No one-upmanship..
No false shows of prestige…
No clashes,no rivalry,no religion,no exploitation in the name of God.no superiority,no inferiority,
Nothing..nothing..And nothing else..

But life and life alone..
But less do they know
That..
In the court of Nature there is no room for appeal..
But still they were doing their best to survive.. They were praying for life.. Praying for those helping hands..
Praying loudly, praying silently.
Praying and weeping..
Weeping and praying…
Praying for their survival and weeping for their loved ones…
They were praying and praying and praying..
Thuddddddddddddd..
Before they could realize with what force death strikes when it strikes..
It was all over..
All their dreams, all their plans, all their aspirations..
With one blow of death..
With one deadly blow of D…E…A..T…H…H…H…H
Were washed out in a moment…
A sudden rush of water flowing from a broken dam nearby, struck them silently wiping them away off their feet..
The water that was so essential for the survival of humanity on this planet has silently eliminated them…
And after that…
There was absolute silence. ..
Fearful silence..
With only the sound of water echoing around..
Just the sound of free flowing water..
Creating terror...
That’s all..




…………..
And..
And..
From that dangerously flowing deadly waters..
And from among those dead..
Rose a woman..
A poor young woman in her late twenties..
Rose like a phoenix out of the ashes..
During all the painful time..
She was fighting..Waging a lone battle..
She just did not remain silent and immobile by offering prayers to the invisible..
She was trying to move..
Come what may..
Move..
And then  finally she moved..
She was a Telugu speaking lady from the Srikaulam district of Andhra Pradesh..
She was undeterred by the fury of water around her..
Unmoved by the dead bodies of those who till a moment ago were her friends and neighbors..
Unfazed by the calamity that just served a deadly blow..
She has complete faith in herself that she can move and she knows it very clearly that she has to move and move ahead out of that gory place….
Because..
She has a goal…
She has a strong purpose to live..
So she moved and moved briskly from there..
Mustering all the courage. Gathering all the strength..
Leaving all the dead bodies behind..
Leaving all the people and the town..
And swam and swam and swam
Swam across the flow of that fearfully flowing water,
Swam across every hurdle..
Swam across every street and corner..

Pushing away all the dead bodies..
Not only of her fellow human beings but also of their cattle..



She swam..
Braving the storm..Braving the floods…
Braving against the fury of nature and the fury of God..
And moved ahead…
Till she reached a lonely standing Palm tree..
It was a tall and lonely Palm tree eagerly waiting to receive that brave lady..
After reaching the tree, she paused.. Looked at it once..
After making sure that the tree can give her enough protection..
She moved towards it and then slowly and confidently reached to the top of the tree and lay settled there..
Then..
And…
Then..
She
Very fondly..
Very gently..
And very carefully..
Kissed her beloved four year old son..
Her goal..Her Life..The sole purpose of her existence..
For whom she braved all that ferocious storm and its fury..
Braved the nature and God.
Braved everything and did everything..
...........................................................................
Continued in my next posting"There Cannot Be A Bigger Tragedy Than This"-Part-Two..



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Thursday, November 19, 2009

This Man Shattered Me

Yes friends you read it right..
This man really shattered me,influenced my thoughts..changed my thought process and fine tuned my mind radio by injecting a fresh breath of new life into it..
Before i proceed any further about him you need to know something about me…
 I have this very passionate hobby of practicing Homoeopathy just to help myself,my family and a few of those relatives in their hour of crisis..
I have inherited this hobby from my beloved Father but i practice it with more intensity and research today, as one personal problem(A severe bout of depression,melancholy and intra psychic stress  shook me beyond repair and has almost consumed my life..) i had three years ago forced me to do so..
During those depressing times i used to walk miles and miles from one lane to the other just to ward off those feelings of dangerous self consumption and destruction..
I have consulted many doctors and spent lot of money but my problem not only remained unsolved but also aggravated with every passing day..i visited even a renowned homoeopath in mumbai but without much help..
With a good number of experiences in our family history i was sure Homoeopathy has a cure for my problem and I only need to tap the right medicine..
Left with no other option i have decided to cure myself and have done extensive research on various diseases and problems,studied several books on Homoeopathy in those silent hours of night and ended up in finding solution not only to my problem but also to some rare and chronic problems..
Through my study i found that mind is the root cause of all problems in this world and i focussed my study more on psychosomatic disorders and in fact found medicines that can heal many psychic disorders  including insanity..
After that whole of wide extensive study,i started to cure my self and achieved hundred percent success rate..it gave me immense confidence..then i started helping my family members.personal friends and other relatives in getting relief from their problems.
And in the process i cured diseases like sinusitis,migraine, haemorrhoids, erysipelas,chronic constipation etc.. but the notable cure among all these was schizophrenia with which a distant relative of mine was suffering for a considerable amount of time..
By the word of mouth my popularity spread and..
One day..
THIS MAN Called me..
He is the owner of the building where my niece stays..
My niece Priya who is a satisfied patient of mine told him to consult me for a chronic skin problem

with which he was suffering for almost a decade and half..
So one day he called me..
Initially i was reluctant to take the case because skin problem needs constant follow up and a regular study and time..he already visited several homeopaths including Batra’s but in vain..this made me more apprehensive but he requested me to see him once..
As he is an elderly retired man of 68 i couldn’t say no and asked him to come to my home the following Sunday..
Such a rich man of 68 years of age ,owner of a building, came to my home on a bicycle all the way from his home covering a good distance of 8 kms ..
He was a humble looking simple man in a more humble attire..
He introduced himself as Panduranga rao a retired railway employee..
To begin with..
I posed a routine question that whether he has any diseases like sugar,b.p etc for which he replied in negative..
He told me”..baabu..i dont have any problem..i don’t smoke,drink or eat non veg..i do not even drink coffee out side..i am a kannada brahmin and am only fond of pickles..”
Showing me his left hand wrist he told me”..this is causing me a lot of irritation as there is terrible itching..”
I observed a small and hard black scar in the corner of his wrist..
That is all..
I gave him a combination of medicines and asked him to report to me after a fortnight..
He went off and called me exactly after a fortnight and told me that initially there was some relief and later aggravation..
I asked him to come the following sunday..
He came..and with one statement changed my outlook towards life and recharged me with tons of optimism sufficient enough for a life beyond life..
……….
Please read the exact conversation..
First I made him comfortably seated..
And later checked his progress..
And asked him..”..how r u feeling now..”
He said”..Though there was initial aggravation am feeling better now..”
I very casually said”..good..but dont worry.. Treatment for skin problems is a time consuming process and aggravation is a good sign that the medicine is working..so i will give u some more doses of medicine and use them..am sure u will feel better..”
As i was preparing the medicine mixing some German dilutions he was silently observing me..
He said..”u r using so many costly medicines and ur not taking any money from me..”
I smiled and said”..this is not my profession and only a hobby..and by God’s grace I can afford to buy these medicines..i want people to be happy..thats all”and finished the process of preparation..
I was about to hand them over to him..
That time he told me..
Told me something that shook me off the ground and shattered me to the core..
“Baaboo..the last time when i came u asked me whether i have any disease..i said no..but i forgot..only after going home i could recollect..four years ago I had throat cancer and took thirty cycles of treatment(friends,pathetically speaking, i do not know what is a cycle of treatment and what comprises a cycle but for sure i know that it is worse than a hell)..now am alright..my father and fore fathers lived beyond eighty five and if God blesses i will also live up to 90..”
I thought I was listening..
But i was shocked..benumbed..speechless..
I didn’t know how to react..but only found him looking at me with that same enigmatic smile..
He got up and shaking my hands with a thanks sought my permission to leave….
With a most idiotic smile on my face i nodded my head..
Though customary i even forgot to see him off ..
Finally..
He left….
Leaving me shattered..shattered and shatteredddd…
My dear friends..
In our day to day life we come across scores of people who will bore us with their personal problems and if it is a small health related problem they will actually kill us by speaking volumes about the pain they are going through..
But here..
This man…
Does not remember that he had cancer

once..
Does not remember that he had passed through a terrible hell of thirty painful cycles of chemotherapy(????)..
And also..
Does not even remember that he almost knocked on the doors of death and was mercifully kicked back by GOD..
Surprisingly so he wants to live for ninety years..
Wow..What a man and what a state of mind..
My dear friends..
What else can i say..???Except one thing..
May God bless him..
That Is All…………………………………………………………….
Hellllooooooooooo…
SHATTEREDDDD…??????????????????